The Top Ten Worst Songs of 1977

Author’s Note: The following was written in June and July 2021, shortly after I moved to Toledo from Upstate New York. After doing much of my preliminary listening in my final days in New York, I wrote the intro and dishonorable mentions in an Airbnb in Sylvania, and wrote the rest of the list in my first days at my current apartment in Toledo. Finally, to add to the suspense, my computer crashed while working on my number one entry for this list. After a nightmare day where I had to drive to Ann Arbor to drop off my computer only for my tire to explode at the M-23/I-475 interchange while driving home, I got my computer back and finished the entry a week later.
I’ve done five year-end worst list projects to this point, and of all of them this one is my favorite. While I am proud of my 2020 and 1963 lists, they come across as primitive to me today and also derivative of influences on YouTube. This year is the project where I feel I truly broke from the early lists and created a project that is truly original, from beginning to end. Plus, I love how this list plays out, starting off as a typical worst list only to steer further and further into oblivion with each shocking pick in the top five.
Adding to the fun is not only that the 1970’s is my favorite pop music decade, but also the fact that 1977 is a music critic’s paradise: for every legendary song there’s an unbelievably bad song, and there’s not a whole lot of middle ground to find in between. Get lots of your old 45’s ready because this project is much longer than my 1963 lists.
Thanks and on with the show!

Good evening everyone, and welcome to 1977.

First off, before we begin this list… SEVENTIES!!!!!

While the nineties is my favorite decade in music, the seventies is, without a doubt, my favorite pop music decade. And that’s because of one very big reason – the sheer variety and quality the best music of the decade had to offer, especially in the latter half of the decade. Pop music provided us with some of the most embarrassingly catchy songs they’ve ever dreamed up. Rock was still going strong with the growth of hard rock, the rise of heavy metal, and at the end of the decade, the beginnings of punk and New Wave. R&B had its best decade ever with the dominance of Philly Soul in the first half of the decade, with many of its songs turning up the heat in bedrooms the world over. And finally, Philly Soul would mutate into a subgenre called disco, which would utterly dominate the final two years of the seventies and become the style of music that defined the decade as a whole.

So… where to start?

Well, I knew I wanted to start in the latter half of the decade. Don’t get me wrong, the early seventies was good too, but the late seventies was such a wild and wacky time in the history of pop music, that I couldn’t help but love it. So which year would I start with?

I quickly eliminated 1975 from the proceedings. The reason’s pretty simple, as it’s been the year that’s been most covered in the pop music review circuit. I also passed on 1976, as it’s up there with 1966, 1967, and 1983 as one of the most flat-out perfect years in Billboard chart history, and I wanted to get some practice in before I took on such a year. As for 1978 and 1979, they were a wild and crazy time, especially 1979 as the year where disco both peaked and crashed. It probably stands up there with 1997 in rock/alternative music and 2007 in pop music as one of the years where music as a whole teetered on the brink of collapse.

So… 1977? Well, it’s not a well talked-about year in terms of the Hot 100, at least compared to other years of the seventies. There isn’t a very large consensus regarding what the best and worst songs of the year are. Also, in keeping with the family theme of these first few lists, 1977 is when both of my parents started high school, with my Mom also graduating from Christian school. So yeah… 1977 it is.

A Look Back At Jimmy Carter's Inauguration | Georgia Public Broadcasting — *An honest man for an increasingly divided culture!*

Ok, so… 1977. In the US, Jimmy Carter began his one-term presidency. In his honor, I’ve decided to wear a sweater while writing this list. Just kidding. But elsewhere, the world was getting bleak. A record snowstorm blasted Buffalo and southern Ontario, dropping 100 inches of snow on the regions, kicking up wind gusts of up to 69 mph, and years later, inspiring Alexisonfire’s hit album Crisis (no hardcore on these lists, don’t ask). In Florida, the human piece of garbage known as Anita Bryant launched the “Save Our Children” campaign, repealing legislation benefitting gay and lesbian people in Miami-Dade County for decades before finally receiving a much-deserved backlash when the Florida Citrus company she advertised for faced widespread bans. And finally, at the end of the year, farmers drove their tractors to Washington to protest Carter’s failure to improve farming conditions. Meanwhile, in sports, the Yankees won the World Series (again) behind Reggie Jackson having the game of his life in Game 6, and the Cowboys dominated the NFL with the league’s #1 offense and #1 defense before trampling the upstart Broncos in Super Bowl XII. While Best Picture in 1977 went to Woody Allen’s Annie Hall, the real film of the year was Star Wars, which not only became the highest-grossing film of all time and the second most popular movie of all time (only behind Gone With The Wind), but changed the format of cinema for decades to come.

Best Super Bowl 45 GIFs | Gfycat — *Yes, this was ruled a catch.*

And then there was the music.

I have a confession to make before we get into this year. Guys… I did not understand how truly awful the worst of this year was.

After going through this list, I can confidently state… 1977 was the worst pop music year between 1974 and 1980. That doesn’t mean it was bad. Oh, no. There were still tons of great songs that made choosing a best list particularly difficult. I’ve nominated 42 songs for the best list, and have to narrow this down to 20 soon for the best list and honorable mentions. But going in, I did not realize how much crap infested the airwaves in 1977. It wasn’t just soft rock and pop ballads, which are commonly blamed for why this year was a step down from 1976. Honestly, most genres took a step back. Disco had an off year before the burst of adrenaline that came from Saturday Night Fever the next year, as the subgenre was in a mode of transition from its R&B roots to its pop prominence. Philadelphia’s hold on R&B began to slip as no Philly Soul song hit the top 25 of this list, and the genre as a whole was about to descend into adult contemporary land for the next few years. And music began to double down on both whitebread covers of classic songs by black people and trend-hopping that was just insulting to its audience.

Bay City Rollers – You Made Me Believe In Magic (1977, Vinyl) - Discogs

Here’s how bad the worst of this year was. For 2020 rock/alternative and 1963 pop, I went with every song that I scored a 3/10 or worse for the worst list and dishonorable mentions, and finished short of the maximum for dishonorable mentions. But this was the first year where I had to cut songs I gave a 3 or worse. If you’re wondering why songs like “You Made Me Believe In Magic” by Bay City Rollers or “That’s Rock And Roll” by Shaun Cassidy won’t be on the list, it isn’t because I like them. It’s because I ran out of space.

And with the largest set of house rules I’ve had to date…

For the first time on these lists, I will be expanding outside of Billboard for the list of eligible songs. In order to make the list, the song must have charted on the year-end list for one of the following charts:
1. The Billboard Hot 100
2. The Cashbox Year-End List
3. The American Radio Charts Top 100, as listed in Francis Pelletier’s Top Pop Songs series on YouTube (watch them, they’re great!)
  As a result of the expanded list of songs to choose from, the additional songs that didn’t make the Billboard year-end list will have major implications on both the worst and best lists. So congratulations to “Heaven On The 7th Floor” by Paul Nicholas, “Calling Dr. Love” by KISS, and “It’s Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next To Me” by Barry White, you are eligible for these countdowns.

The song must not have charted on a previous Billboard Year-End Chart. As with 1963, none of the songs that reached the chart in 1976 re-charted in 1977, so we won’t have to worry about eliminating any songs from the 1977 year-end list. But…
If the song made the Cashbox Year-End list or the American Radio Charts year-end lists but not the Billboard year-end lists, the song must not have appeared on next year’s chart. This eliminates, among others, “You Light Up My Life” by Debby Boone (thank God), “Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue” by Crystal Gayle, and “How Deep Is Your Love” by The Bee Gees.
The Cashbox chart has precedence over the ARC chart, so a song on the ARC chart cannot have charted in a different year on the Cashbox chart. This eliminates “You Make Loving Fun” by Fleetwood Mac. I’ll get to this when I do 1978.

With these rules in place, 118 songs were eligible for this countdown. So without further ado, it’s time to look down the barrel of the devil’s gun and count down…

THE TOP TEN WORST SONGS OF 1977

Today’s transition music: “Angel In Your Arms” by Hot

So don’t be surprised to find
That the angel in your arms this morning
Is gonna be the devil in someone else’s arms tonight

#10. “Ariel”

#9. “Tonight’s The Night (Gonna Be Alright)”

#8. “Ain’t Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)”

#7. “After The Lovin’”

#6. “(Your Love Has Lifted Me) Higher And Higher”

#5. “I’m In You”

#4. “Weekend In New England?”

#3. “Float On”

#2. “Muskrat Love”