Well, I’ll give Skeeter Davis one thing… at least her type of breakup song is only hurting herself.  Unlike this next one, which takes wallowing over a breakup to horrifying new heights.

“I Wanna Be Around” – Tony Bennett

#14 peak
#64 year-end

“I Wanna Be Around” began life as a song written by Sadie Vimmerstedt, who wrote the song after being inspired by Frank Sinatra’s affair with Ava Gardner.  She then sent the song to ASCAP, where the song’s lyrics were finished by Johnny Mercer.  You may have heard of him.  He wrote the lyrics to “Moon River,” “The Days Of Wine And Roses,” and… this.  One of these things is not like the other.

Again, as with the previous entry, there was legitimate potential here.  The music sounds good, with some well-played piano throughout the song.  And while I’ve always kind of seen Tony Bennett as a hit-and-miss artist since I was a little kid, there’s no doubt he can sing.  So again, all we need are the lyrics to deliver.  And… oh no.  Oh God, no.

I want to be around to pick up the pieces
When somebody breaks your heart

Tony, just stop.  Please, stop…

And that’s when I’ll discover that revenge is sweet
As I sit there applauding from a front-row seat
When somebody breaks your heart
Like you, like you broke mine

Wow.  There’s whining and complaining over something bad, and then there’s this.

Tony… WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!  Don’t you realize that the best way to achieve revenge is to live well?  Based on what I’m getting here, you are not only not getting over your recent breakup, but you are so bitter that you have to see the next man in their life hurt her too?  How will that make anything better?

Adding to the rampant bitterness present in this song is how vague the lyrics are.  I assume it’s about a man who’s been cheated on, since the song is based on an affair (Sinatra and Gardner) that did not result in eternal love.  But would you know this if you didn’t know the backstory?  Since there’s barely anything here lyrically, much less a reference to either Ol’ Blue Eyes or Ava Gardner, the cause of his broken heart could be anything.  It could be an affair, which, to be fair, would be tough to get over.  But it could also be because she left him because he was controlling, or because she turned him down, or because she beat him in Mario Kart.  Just imagine, “I wanna be around when he wins a game of Fortnite.”

This song does not remind me of a cruel woman getting her just due while her jilted ex watches.  Oh no.  This song reminds me, if anything… of this.

Yeah, the image of Cartman happily watching Butters getting yelled at and punished for things Cartman did sums this song up. It takes the self-pity of the previous song we discussed and turns it up to a terrifying consequence for someone else.

I had heard this song many years before, as a teenager, without realizing the lyrical content because I didn’t pay as much attention to lyrics at the time.  How sad it is, in retrospect, that that rendition was from one of my all time favorite albums, The Beach Boys’ Smile.  At least in that album it can be pictured as a song fragment that recalls old Americana, while the Tony Bennett version can only be seen as a song meant to be taken seriously.

UP NEXT: A previous entrant on this worst list returns at #5.

SOURCES

“I Wanna Be Around.” Johnny Mercer 18 August 1998. Web. 19 May 2022 https://web.archive.org/web/20070928121753/http://www.johnnymercer.com/FAQ/I%20Wanna%20Be%20Around%20to%20pick%20up%20the%20pieces.htm.

IMAGE SOURCES

Single cover from Amazon

Image of Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner from Jazziz Magazine

The image of Cartman happily watching Butters getting punished is taken from the South Park episode “Jared Has Aides.” Released March 6, 2002.