Like with many easily offended parents and grandparents, I understand the hate to the near-constant stream of songs we have been getting over the past 30 years relating to butts and explicit sex.

I… I get it.  I’m a guy.  Women are attractive.  But why do men constantly have to sink to the lowest common denominator when discussing their love for women?  There are many ways you could discuss your love other than announcing how desperately you want them in bed.  I mean… I could rewrite that Family Guy scene with just songs about crude and vulgar sex over the last twenty years.

Stewie: “Name ten songs about disgusting love!”
Brian: “Play, Some Cut, Wait (The Whisper Song), Love Me, Bad Girlfriend, Addicted, One More Night, Birthday Cake Remix, Ass, Laffy Taffy.”
Stewie: “Name five more!”
Brian: “Yummy, S.E.X., FMLYHM, Eat You Alive, Treat You Better.”
Stewie: “Go [expletive] yourself.”

But for how disturbing this trend has been, in the sixties we had an even worse trend, if that’s even possible.  Songs about wanting to be with significantly younger girls.  

I know.  Songs involving romance that was possibly, or in other cases, truly illegal, were quite common during this time.

This trend was gaining momentum even before the sixties was getting started, as the last notable MGM musical indicated.  In 1958, the Best Picture winner was the Vincente Minnelli musical Gigi, in which Maurice Chevalier croons… “Thank Heaven For Little Girls.”  Yeah, no.  Just… no.  I need to go back in time and strangle my 16 year old self for liking this song.  And then there’s the film itself, which is about a man courting the titular Gigi, who is… 15 in the original novella, and 16 in the original movie adaptation from 1949.  Ick.

As we rolled into the sixties, the trend continued.  In 1960 Bobby Rydell, who is probably solely known to you all as the namesake for the high school in Grease, contributed a song entitled “Little Bitty Girl.”  Gross.  That same year, Johnny Burnette contributed the original “You’re Sixteen” thirteen years before Ringo Starr botched it even worse.  And two years after that, Neil Sedaka scored one of his biggest hits, entitled “Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen.”  They were still playing this song on the radio when I was a kid.  Sick.

So the year 1963 wouldn’t be complete without another song that portrayed a disturbing romance involving a girl who, at best, was significantly younger than the song’s protagonist.  And… how did you guess this was another song that achieved greater fame as a song covered by an Osmond?

“Go Away Little Girl” – Steve Lawrence

#1 peak
#91 year-end

In the history of the Billboard Hot 100, there are nine songs that have become number one hits for more than one artist.  “Go Away Little Girl” is the first.  Do you now understand why the charts aren’t the best indicator of which songs are best?

Anyway, Steve Lawrence was another singer of old standards, known for forming a duet team with his wife, Eydie Gorme. (Gorme also scored a hit this year with “Blame It On The Bossa Nova.”  It’s fine.)  Lawrence scored four top ten songs in the late fifties and early sixties before he recorded this song.  And yes… this is the other song on the list written by Gerry Goffin and Carole King.  That’s right.  Their resume includes “Will You Love Me Tomorrow,” “The Loco-Motion,” “One Fine Day,” “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman,” “Porpoise Song”… and “Go Away Little Girl.”  There needs to be an autopsy regarding what drugs they were on when they decided this song with these lyrics was good enough to charge people money for.

The uncomfortable feeling of the song sets in right at the intro, when we get a set of happy piano arpeggios backed by high-pitched strings.  Not only are the strings needlessly dramatic, but the piano in particular presents the atmosphere of a TV show opening.  Whenever I hear the opening piano arpeggios, I have the bad feeling they’re being used to open an episode of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.  Or some other 60s kids show.  Oh, and there’s a key change after the second verse, because of course there is.  And all this becomes really bad when you look into the lyrics.

For those unfamiliar with the Donny Osmond version, “Go Away Little Girl” is about a man who does not want to betray his wife or girlfriend in favor of another attractive girl.  Which is, in fact, the titular “little girl.”  And with apologies over the fact that I can’t sing… the singing needs to be discussed here.

The Donny Osmond version of this song, predictably, is terrible.  It’s generic pop music for the time, with Donny being forced to sing outside his vocal range at points.  As I mentioned before, I’m going to have a lot of Osmonds songs on Top 10 worst lists when I do the seventies, but if there is one thing I can give poor Donny over Steve Lawrence, it’s this.  Donny was 13 when he recorded “Go Away Little Girl.”  With that in mind, the song isn’t creepy in his case.  It sounds more like a kid who’s experiencing love for the first time, and doesn’t know how to handle his emotions.  

This all goes out the window when you listen to the Steve Lawrence version.  Steve Lawrence was… 27 years old when he sang this.  Even creepier about this is as of writing, I’m older than Steve Lawrence was when he sang this.  This song is an adult man implying that he is attracted to a “little girl.”  Now, Lawrence was a better singer than Donny Osmond, but I mean, of course a 27 year old professional singer is going to be a better singer than a 13 year old.  Congratulations.  Have a cookie.  And the fact that Lawrence is a better singer than teenaged Donny Osmond… is not an advantage.  It actually hurts the song even more.  With his deep and mature voice, Lawrence sounds like he’s about 37.  Adding to that, the way he sings, it’s almost as if he’s enjoying this attention from the “little girl.”  You can just imagine the audible grin he’s singing with.  It turns a song that already is creepy just from title and chorus to flat-out disgusting.

Of course the lyrics aren’t going to be good here.  But here they just add the revulsion this song will bring out to most casual listeners.

I know that your lips are sweet
But our lips must never meet

How on earth do you know if her lips are sweet if you’ve never kissed her?  I mean, lipstick is not the best indicator of whether or not a woman’s “lips are sweet.”  This sounds like you’re denying the fact that you’ve had a mouth to mouth kiss.  And before you ask, what makes you think the lyrics won’t get worse from this point on?

When you’re near me like this
You’re much too hard to resist

Excuse me a minute.

Oh my God… did he just imply that he gets turned on by this “little girl?”  Like, why on earth would you get that close to a woman who’s not your wife or girlfriend?  Especially one who is possibly underage, considering the “little girl” reference throughout THE ENTIRE SONG?!  And this is sung in the song twice!  TWICE!  Oh God, this lyric makes me sick!  This would probably be the number one worst lyric of the year most years.  It’s at least second worst.  Oh my gosh.

Please go away little girl,
Before I beg you to stay

So you are implying that you would rather have this “little girl,” who may or may not be underage, over your actual girlfriend.  SCREW YOU.

There are defenders of this song.  I shouldn’t be surprised, there are millions of people who think the even more disgusting “Sad!” by XXXTentacion is a good song.  I read defenses claiming that there are people like me who get too sensitive and butthurt over the “little girl” connotation.  Heck, even Songfacts, a site that is supposed to be neutral regarding its display of information, claimed that the controversy surrounding “Go Away Little Girl” and its possible pedophilia is proof that “moral guardians continue to have far dirtier minds than the songwriters they’re supposed to be protecting us from.”

Let me be perfectly clear.

There are ways to defend “You’re Sixteen.” While I’m no longer a fan of the song, I’ve read that the song is intended as a story, rather than an outward statement of love: an aspect that gets completely buried in the Ringo Starr version.  It was intended as a song told from the perspective of a teenager, about a teenager, for teenagers. But with “Go Away Little Girl”… you can’t polish this.

At best, “Go Away Little Girl” is a song about a man who is already married or in a relationship primarily interested in someone else, whom he refers to as something you should never call an adult.  It’s “woman,” not “little girl.”  I get that there are adult men who fondly refer to their lovers as “my girl,” but there is no one over the age of consent who should be referred to as “little girl.”  Ever.  At worst, “Go Away Little Girl” is outright pedophilia.  It continued the disturbing trend of having a significantly younger love interest, and with Gary Puckett and the Union Gap (a band that made a living off of overdramatic pop songs about underage love interests, including “Young Girl” and “This Girl Is A Woman Now”) coming on the horizon, it was a cycle we were bound to repeat.

Thankfully, in today’s PC world, it’s unlikely a song like this would ever see the light of day… what’s that?

Lyrics to “Stimulated” by Tyga (2015):
They said she young, I should’ve waited
She a big girl, dog, when she stimulated

What?

Lyrics to “GUMMO” by 6ix9ine (2017):
I DON’T F**K WITH NO OLD HOES!  ONLY NEW HOES!
PUT MY D**K IN HER BACKBONE THEN I PASS HER TO MY BRO!

SCREW POP MUSIC!  I QUIT!

UP NEXT: Before we find out what could possibly be worse, let’s take a look at some dishonorable mentions.

SOURCES

Minnelli, Vincente. Gigi. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer 15 May 1958. Film. 20 May 2022.

Colette. Gigi. New York: Hachette, 1946. Book. 20 May 2022.

“Gigi: A Defense.” Self-Styled Siren 28 February 2014. Web. 20 May 2022 http://selfstyledsiren.blogspot.com/2014/02/gigi-1958-defense.html.

“Go Away Little Girl by Steve Lawrence.” Songfacts 2022. Web. 20 May 2022 https://www.songfacts.com/facts/steve-lawrence/go-away-little-girl.

“French Penal Code, Article 227-25.” Légifrance 21 April 2021. Web. 20 May 2022 https://www.legifrance.gouv.fr/codes/article_lc/LEGIARTI000043409095/2021-04-23.

Breihan, Tom. “The Number Ones: Ringo Starr’s ‘You’re Sixteen.’” Stereogum 6 May 2019. Web. 20 May 2022 https://www.stereogum.com/2042457/ringo-starr-youre-sixteen-review/columns/the-number-ones/.

IMAGE SOURCES

Image from Gigi from Alternate Endings

Single cover of both “Go Away Little Girl” versions from Stereogum

GIF of Brian, uh, expressing his disgust from the Family Guy episode “Quagmire’s Dad.” GIF from Tenor.

Album cover of Tyga’s album “F*k What They Talkin Bout” from Genius

Single cover of “GUMMO” from Wikipedia