Guy #1: “Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone!”

Guy #2: “Yeah, well yo mama’s so fat, her stomach is the world!”

Guy #3: “Oh yeah?  Yo mama’s so fat, I did the bump with her… and I got knocked down!”

And on that tasteless note…

“Ain’t Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)” – Joe Tex

#12 peak (2 weeks, June 11-18, 1977)
#86 year-end, 18 weeks on chart

Yusuf Hazziez, the artist formerly known as Joseph Arrington, Jr. and commonly known as Joe Tex, had a most unusual career as an R&B performer.  He had four hit songs, spread out over 14 years in an era where many artists with careers of his type didn’t last more than five.  After scoring two hits in the sixties and his biggest hit, “I Gotcha,” in 1972, Joe Tex went disco and scored one more hit with this song.  All I can ask the disco clubs and dancing public that made this song a hit is, what was wrong with you?

To be fair, it doesn’t sound awful.  It’s led by a descending electric piano riff, a two chord progression on organ, and a nice groovy bassline.  It’s not amazing on the level of the tons of great disco songs that came out during this era, but it’s not the worst music ever.  But then the music begins to get old as the full-length song clocks in at 6:34.  And a lot of it is repeating the same chord and musical progression as the chorus repeats ad nauseum.  So the music here represents quite a bit of wasted potential.  Then again, I don’t think any of you care, because look at the title.  You know why this song is here: the lyrics.

In case you didn’t hear the sirens go off in your head when you read the song title, this song is offensive to fat women.  It’s about Joe Tex going to a disco and doing the bump: a dance that was big at the time, but is now about as popular as the stanky legg or the bop.  Then an overweight woman gets on stage and knocks him down by doing the bump with him.  This single action causes the narrator to become fatophobic.  Seriously.

Said if you wanna dance
Find you a big fat man
Ya’ll both can get on down
Ya’ll both can get on down

Can someone punch this man in the face, please?  Add to the fact that this single event, where the plus-sized woman knocks him down by accident while doing the bump, completely sours his mood and causes him to stop dancing.

I know what you’ll do
I ain’t gonna bump with you
I don’t feel like gettin’ down
Don’t feel like gettin’ down

Dude!  Be a man and leave!  Also, honestly if I were running the club, I’d kick you out for being bigoted against woman who are overweight, and make you do the bump outside!

Do I even need to explain why this song is so reprehensible?  Women already have tons of issues with their bodies already, where they wish they could be thinner than they are.  They don’t need this pathetic and sorry excuse for a dance song to make it worse.  How could any woman pick up this song, or dance to this song at a club?  That’s why I think this song is more offensive than “Tonight’s The Night.”  In that song, Rod was being offensive to a single person, while Joe Tex is singling out an entire group of people as bad for him, not because of their character but because of their bodies.  And don’t forget the song is just Joe Tex singing, “I ain’t gonna bump no more with no big fat woman” EIGHT TIMES IN A ROW.  Real creative.  What was next?  A disco song about hating women with short hair?  Screw this song.

I don’t think Joe Tex truly meant to be offensive with this song, and it’s sad that he died just five years after this song after an accidental drowning followed by a heart attack at the age of 47.  But this song shouldn’t have even been conceived, let alone released as a single and reaching the top 20.  And since the narrator of this song singled out fat people, I’m going to make him do the bump… with Ronda Rousey.  I highly doubt that would end in any way other than him betting knocked down again.  Now he’ll be scared of doing the bump with strong women too.  

And in conclusion…

(CANCELLED)

OH COME ON!  I WAS JUST KIDDING!

UP NEXT: Let’s go through some traditional pop at #7.

SOURCES

“1978-82: How Do You Spell Relief?” Soultex.webs.com 2022. Web. 19 June 2022 https://soultex.webs.com/197882howdoyouspe.htm.

The first yo mama joke is taken from:

A Prairie Home Companion Pretty Good Joke Book, 6th Edition. Frederick, MD: HighBridge, 2015. Print. 19 June 2022.

The other yo mama jokes are taken from:

Douglass, Jack. “YOUR GRAMMAR SUCKS #100.” Jacksfilms 20 November 2015. YouTube. 19 June 2022 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEmPk7uAQ34.

IMAGE SOURCES

Single cover from Amazon

Photo of Joe Tex from Dylan – A Bob Dylan Blog

Photo of Joe Tex doing the bump with an overweight woman on Soul Train from Lights, Camera, Backbeat