So as I stated in the opening, this was a pretty good year for alternative music.  In general, the top twenty songs on the year-end list were great at best.  Even the worst was just average or mediocre at worst.  The problem with this is when you do find a truly bad song, it manages to suck even more by association.  And when that song becomes the #2 song of the year on the chart along with becoming a crossover hit… we have a problem.  Once again, it’s time to discuss AJR. 

“Bang!” – AJR

Alternative
#2 peak, #2 year end

Pop
#24 peak

This band’s success baffles me.  Look, if you like these guys, go right ahead.  Everyone deserves to like what they like in music, and if you like AJR, I’m not going to judge you for it.  But man… this band’s music has not been good.  AJR’s success accelerated with their 2017 album The Click, an album that was certified gold despite its badly programmed music and insipid lyrics.  After that, they continued in 2018 with the irritating programmed trumpet riff on “Burn The House Down,” and last year with “100 Bad Days,” a song built around a chorus with three lines that didn’t rhyme.  This band, simply put, has many problems.  This ranges from their instrumentation, which is almost entirely synthesized, to their lyrics, which demonstrate a lack of understanding of the subjects they tackle, whether it be life, romance, or marijuana.  But they have one big problem that rockets them into the stratosphere of woeful music: their songs constantly feature elements that sound as if they were left in the final mix by accident.  Several songs on The Clickfeatured random, high-pitched, programmed scat breakdowns, while “100 Bad Days” featured that excruciating percussion breakdown in the bridge that didn’t add anything.  It’s as if these guys go with their first mix every single time, without going back to the song to make sure all the parts are as tight and controlled as possible.

In 2020, AJR came back with “Bang!”, a song that not only became the #2 song of the year on the Alternative charts, but also crossed over into the pop charts, though it didn’t make the Hot 100 Year-end list.  And yet again, the boys from Manhattan are trying to tackle a mature subject, in this case growing up.  As with Theory Of A Deadman, this is bold territory for a band with songs entitled “Call My Dad” and “Don’t Throw Out My Legos,” but let’s hear it.  It could be good.

I don’t need to tell you that the music is bad, do I?  And yet again, this song shows another problem with AJR: they do have good ideas (yes, they do), but they mess them up with bad production and songwriting choices every single time.  Listen to the opening three note keyboard riff.  It’s very simple, but doesn’t it sound good?  I mean, when unaltered it sounds effective in setting the tone for the song.  Think about it for three seconds.  Well, it wouldn’t be an AJR song if it weren’t pitchshifted.  The shift in the keyboard’s sound at the end of its riff makes it sound way less natural and gives the impression that it was programmed. 

And just like previous AJR songs, we get awkwardly inserted vocals and vocal effects that don’t fit in with the song, and just make it annoying, as if you are being constantly hit in the ear with a pencil.  Throughout the song, we hear an announcer say “Here we go!” before each chorus.  His voice does not work well within the song and gets irritating after a few repetitions.  But that isn’t the worst of it, as we’ll get into.

And yet again, the lyrics are terrible.  It’s the same problem as before: AJR are trying to demonstrate maturity by tacking a subject everyone can relate to, but it lacks realism because there is so little that actually describes what it is like.  If you’re over the age of 22, you probably know what it’s like to grow up.  Some consider the basic aspects, like paying bills or not relying on your parents for everything.  But to me, growing up and being mature goes way beyond that.  Growing up is taking responsibility for your actions.  Growing up involves getting out of your selfish mindset you probably had throughout childhood and showing some caring about others besides yourself.  Growing up involves realizing that performing well at your job and being a good wife or husband is more important than winning a sports game.  So with that in mind, let’s see how AJR define maturity:

So I got an apartment across from the park
Put quinoa in my fridge, still I’m not feeling grown

Your definition of becoming an adult is… buying and consuming quinoa?  What was the point of that detail?  That you are now consuming adult foods?  I’m pretty sure there are kids out there who eat quinoa.  Or was the point that eating it makes you feel young?  I thought you were trying to demonstrate maturity here… Either way, this lyric doesn’t work.  Let’s see what’s up next.  Oh yeah, the chorus.

I’m way too young to lie here forever
I’m way too old to try so whatever

For weeks, I thought this second line was “I’m way too old to trust,” as in, he couldn’t rely on his parents anymore.  It wasn’t until now, when I re-read the lyrics, that I realized what it actually said.  WHY?  Why on earth do you think that maturity means you can’t try anymore?  You realize that in adulthood, you’re going to have to try very hard on certain parts of your life, right?  Like, your job?  You’re not going to do well at your job if you just go through the motions every day.  Or, being a father to your kids, when you finally have kids?  When you take the next step beyond an apartment and buy a house, don’t you think it will take effort to make sure it isn’t a pigsty?  Maybe I’m reading too much into this line, but it’s so vague that we don’t know what AJR are singing about “not trying anymore.”

And it gets worse.  It’s a worst list, what do you expect?

Feel like I’m gonna puke ’cause my taxes are due
Do my password begin with a one or a two?

The hardest part of your new life is… you have to remember a password.  I thought you had to remember passwords as a kid, too.  Like, your locker combination at school.  Also, I’m pretty sure that if you don’t remember your password, you can always click the stupid “Forgot your password?” button and get a new one.  You know, as long as you remember your password for your email address.  

Anyways, I spent so much time complaining on this useless aspect of adulthood that I almost forgot this lyric is also grammatically incorrect.  “Do my password?”  How does “Does my password” sound?  Hey, Jack… if you’re reviving Your Grammar Sucks soon, I’ve got a lyric for you!

And that leads us to our announcer declaring… “Metronome!”  Metronome?  What does that mean?

It brings us to the part of the song that provides AJR’s defining trait… their bizarre added instrumentation that should have been cut after one play-through.  For this section, we get a metronome that kneecaps the pace of the song, a trap beat, and high-pitch shifted backing vocals that make you want to scream.  And just to add to that, the lyrics are finished with “Ooh de la de do.”  This is another song that will not be receiving Strongbad’s seal of approval.

This song’s awfulness goes beyond the basic song.  In a year where Alternative music demonstrated a noticeable amount of quality, AJR was the exception.  In a year where Alternative acts such as Grouplove and Marshmello showed a noticeable improvement in their songwriting and passion for their music while bands like Bastille and Of Monsters And Men took risks breaking away from their standard sounds, AJR put out the same old stuff.  Heck, I’ll give one thing to Five Finger Death Punch and Theory Of A Deadman… at least 5FDP tried to add to their song with a different rhythm and string section, and at least Theory tried taking on a serious subject they hadn’t tried before.  This song is interchangeable with so many other AJR songs, with its obnoxious sound and its lyrics that completely miss the point.  And this band is being rewarded for their ineptitude with this song becoming their biggest hit thus far, when much more deserving Alternative acts, even those that are more pop-oriented like AJR, are being left by the wayside.  When I first wrote this summary a year ago, I figured it was only a matter of time before these guys got that coveted song that appeared on the year-end list for the Hot 100.  Well not only did that happen, but it happened the very next year with THIS SONG, which in a second life reached the top 10 of the Hot 100 and reached the year-end list. And I thought music was better than this.  Sigh.

IMAGE SOURCES

“Bang!” single cover from Wikimedia

Image of quinoa from Healthline

Body Count’s Manslaughter album cover from Genius