I mean, come on.  You all knew this band was going to be making the list, didn’t you?

“World Keeps Spinning” – Theory Of A Deadman

Mainstream Rock
#13 peak, #46 year-end

Good Lord, not these guys again.  Theory Of A Deadman, the band that solely exists to prove to everyone there can always be worse mainstream rock than Nickelback.  Since their shameless “How You Remind Me” ripoff single “Make Up Your Mind,” these guys have built quite the legacy of suckitude.  For years they were known for their hard rock sound, and for lyrics that were… not the nicest towards women.  Their best known example was the ass anthem “Bad Girlfriend,” but even worse were “Little Smirk” and “B***h Came Back,” which just came across as hateful.  Then in 2017, Theory Of A Deadman finally decided it was time for a change… by rebranding themselves as Theory and nearly leaving rock music altogether on their album Wake Up Call.  And unexpectedly, they scored their biggest hit to date with “Rx (Medicate).”  And surprise… that song sucked too, with lyrics that were supposed to be discussing the prescription epidemic that instead discussed how God could possibly hate frontman Tyler Connolly, along with a meaningless bridge that included a laundry list of everyone who was high.  But with the song’s success, it was obvious we’d be getting more “woke” Theory with a sound that had become a pop-rock hybrid.

In February, Theory of a Deadman released their seventh album, Say Nothing, which was intended to mark a further immersion in their new sound with lyrics that would take on more serious subjects, including domestic violence, mental illness, and current issues.  Bold territory for a band whose most iconic lyrics are “She likes to shake her ASS!” and “I am so freakin’ bored,” but, you know, progress.  And I know what all of you who know this band are all thinking… why isn’t “History Of Violence” on this list?  Well, I wanted to put that song here, but the more I listened to it… it isn’t horrible.  It’s probably mediocre overall.  While boring musically as Theory has been since their pop rock makeover, it at least tells a consistent story with real meaning that isn’t offensive to women.  Which brings us to “World Keeps Spinning.”

In keeping with the more serious themes of the album, “World Keeps Spinning” discusses Tyler Connolly’s battles with anxiety and depression.  Connolly listed the song as “one of the most personal songs I’ve ever written, it discusses the battle with depression and anxiety, and the constant struggle between feeling great and feeling like ‘what’s the point.’”  Ok, understandable.  Now we’ve got a subject I can relate to.  I’m autistic, and I also happen to have anxiety.  So I struggle with mental issues too.  Maybe with a more serious subject, Connolly can finally prove himself.  Well, hit me.

For the first verse… we get lyrics about Connolly struggling with his feelings, and how he is unable to block criticism in certain cases.  We do get some strange lyrics, such as Connolly announcing that he’s “sick of all the stomach aches,” but at least the thesis is still there.  But then we reach the end of the second verse… and that’s when Theory starts being Theory.

I don’t know what to do, yeah, I just want to scream
I don’t mean s**t to you, I ain’t a human being

Oh great.  Another song with vague complaining about “you did me wrong.”  And yet again, like on “Antisocialist” and “Inside Out,” there is no explanation about what this person did to Connolly.  For the entire second verse, we don’t hear anything about what this person did or who he or she even is.  We get seven lines of Connolly struggling with his anxiety, and then suddenly… “It’s YOU who caused it!”

Oh, and it continues.

I ain’t stupid, I can be who I wanna be
I ain’t blind, I can see what you do to me

There’s no plan that I can’t oversee
I feel that no one got a f**king brain

Again… I thought this song was about you, Tyler.  I didn’t think this song was about all the harm people caused in your life.

Look, being unable to forget instances where people were mean to you is a big problem with anxiety.  But with this song, Connolly just goes out of the blue to say “This person did mean things to me,” and presents it as a tragedy.  This is awful for two reasons.  First, it’s just as pointless as “Antisocialist” and “Inside Out,” since even though it’s being used to highlight the struggles of mental illness, it’s still vague complaining.  Second, as bad as those two songs were, you could argue that at least they were direct with their messages of anger and bitterness.  This song tries to pull you in for sympathy, only to announce that he has problems with others.

And before you ask, the music is forgettable.  The song actually has a good start musically with some decent-sounding piano in the intro, but after that, there is nothing to this instrumentation that stands out.  The acoustic guitar in particular is very simple, consisting of just whole notes for the chords, and I’m not sure bassist Dean Back was involved in the recording because I couldn’t hear a bass on this song.  Oh, I forgot… there is another musical element that stands out.  Because there was whistling on “Rx,” we needed to have more whistling here too.  And it’s almost identical to Ennio Morricone’s theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.  This doesn’t make me like the song more, it makes me want to listen to the original again.

But neither of these elements got it up here.  Even with the finger-pointing on this song, it isn’t necessarily worse than “Antisocialist,” which threatened suicide, and “Inside Out,” which similarly asked for sympathy only to start yelling at everyone, even more so than Connolly does here.  The reason “World Keeps Spinning” surpassed both these songs… comes at the end of the third verse, just before the final chorus.

Monkey see, monkey do, monkey me, monkey you
Monkey see!  Monkey do!  Monkey me!  Monkey you!

Tyler… what the fudge is this?

In order to conjure sympathy for his struggle with anxiety and depression and to relate to his audience, Connolly sings a phrase you stop singing when you turn nine years old because you’ve become too edgy to keep saying this stupid phrase.  Does anyone outside of children’s books and shows still use this phrase?  Not to mention that Connolly sings the repetition of this phrase with more intensity.  What was he thinking?  

This has to be one of the worst lyrics of the year.  In any genre.  Bar none.  Let’s start running down the list.  

“Please stay away from me cause I don’t f**king like you?” Sit down Asking Alexandria.  Theory topped you.  

Marilyn Manson’s “We are sick, f**ked up and complicated?”  Is this even a contest?  All right, let’s move into pop music.  

Gabby Barrett’s ranting about her cheating ex in “I Hope?”  Get squashed by monkeys seeing and doing.  

Drake announcing the steps to the “Toosie Slide” and then pointlessly adding, “Basically I’m saying, either way, we bout to slide?”  Theory is still worse.  

Justin Bieber signing, “Girl, you got that yummy yum?”  Okay… I’ll hold off on that one.

Like on “Rx,” Theory attempted to get serious on “World Keeps Spinning,” and failed miserably.  Not just because it’s boring and fails to inspire sympathy for the protagonist, but because of its inclusion of another laughably bad lyric.  Screw this, it’s my turn to write a Theory song:

Theory will try, but they’re kinda lame
They gotta step up their lyric game
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
ONE FISH!  TWO FISH!  RED FISH!  BLUE FISH!

SOURCES

Fontaine, Jimmy.  “Theory Of A Deadman Releases New Say Nothing Track, “World Keeps Spinning.”  ABCNewsRadio 24 January 2020.  Web.  1 January 2021.

IMAGE SOURCES

“World Keeps Spinning” single cover from Spotify